Me;my diary, my heart

I'm like a closed diary, I'm padlocked shut to hide what's inside me.
My pages are fresh because no one can read me, my pages are still white because finger prints can't dirty me.
I'm right under your nose tempting you to open me up, but as you try and try failed attempts urge you to give up.
My secrets remain within me and my thoughts stay secret.
And while most events are meant to stay in the past, it's these things that hurt me deepest. And while most people react immediately to what is going on around them, i keep it to myself and tell my heart ;my diary,  my problem.
And even though it appears that i write this poem to show others, this is just another diary entry for only me to see
because no one may fully understand the affects that this or that may have on me
so i just record it into my tired diary,my heart.

Balances

in life
one is always
balancing

like we juggle our mothers
against our fathers

or one teacher
against another
(only to balance our grade average)

3 grains of salt
to one ounce truth

our sweet black essence
or the funky honkies down the street

and lately i've begun wondering
if you're trying to tell me something

we used to talk all night
and do things alone together

and i've begun

(as a reaction to a feeling)
to balance
the pleasure of loneliness
against the pain
of loving you 




-Nikki Giovanni

A family tie

As time goes on, I begin to realise, that my family tree retracts from what should be a paradise. I see that our ties disintegrate, into a form of dysfunction and destruction that can only frustrate, a being like me who only adores the concept of family: a nesting of bloodline connection which links to an undying affection which can never be seized by any anarchist needs to separate what is meant to be the family that i desperately need. But In the company of time and the passing of the seasons we are all falling away for similar reasons. The moments around the table at christmas time, and bubbles of genetic laughter have had their time and shared their light, now its over and set alight. The ties that were meant to be unconditional, are crashing and burning at the devil's yearning. And the concept of family is backsliding as my family is dividing. While they say "time will heal", I just pray to my God that he brings a repeal, of all the things that have come and poisoned; and caused me, all of us to internally bleed every frustrating day, while we smile on with nothing to say. As if everything is ok, when really we just want it all to just fix its self right now, today. I miss my family who are now so distant; I miss those real special moments that are now only reminiscent. I miss not worrying about how we are all trying to cope, but thats what it has become since whatever has happened cannot be undone. All I do is wish for a solution to all this heart wrenching confusion. But until then I can only look to the heavens further than the skies, to shield me from my pain and continuos need to cry; for this family tie that has been left undone anticipating a way to loop into another one.

Wake up Black people!

They say racism is over and i embrace the social rest
but when do Black people get to be seen at their best?
I'm not talking to the white man who is threatened by who we are and what we bring
I'm speaking to all you men and women of color who skate this rink
I'm pointing at all of us who tread on this thin ice we call earth
Those who have succumbed to this fatal black rebirth

Have we forgotten who we are?
We are the color of power with the ancestry of strength
We are the metaphor of hope hence...
our strength in numbers
but we have failed to exploit our greatness of a high degree
we have failed to show how it once was to live properly
instead we are in the new world order where
Rappers are talking about Fucking
Women feeding on sucking
dancing in the videos legs open to the world
saying they're setting an example for every little girl?

Money has become the only objective
Making a black mans life a black life perspective
forgetting we're instruments of glory
forgetting we all live to tell our miraculous story..
Of how we fought to be free
But we chose to hide our afro's and wear a weave
we use a lightening lotion even though the black can never leave
we wear our trousers low to show the world our cracks
we carry guns or we're stabbing guys in the back
we're selling drugs or we're leaving school as failures
forgetting Jesus Christ and accepting idols as saviors.
Come on Black people, Have we gone insane?
Are we really subjecting ourselves to our own self committed pain?
I don't understand...
Please explain...
Why in such habitual vices we chose to remain..

In this fatal rebirth of this black evolution
which has opened our community to such pollution
a demotion in greatness
and the promotion of weightless
substances in our lives
which take us to corners in our time which only God seems to despise

Wake up Black people! We are no longer Niggers
we are the faces of tomorrow, no more slavery figures
Wake up Black people and smell the Black coffee!
Its time for us to venture move your black body
Wake up! wake up! don't remain idle
Go for what is true and exalt your Black title.
Wake up Black people, and keep vigilant
stay true to what is real, be militant
Wake up Black people. Wake up.